Listen, we know there are a lot of pressing things in this world that need to be addressed. Will the younger generations ever get on the same page as the baby boomers and those with the wealth. Will politics ever not be driven by greed and power? At what point will Google decide to really take over the internet and world? All good questions. But in reality, there are smaller ones that need to be answered as well. Questions that might not have the lasting implications as others but are just as important to the human race and its existence. The one that sticks out to us is what is the best car to take to Taco Bell.
We know what you are thinking… how has no one answered this before? Why have scientists not been running social experiments to find out and optimize vehicles for the delicious taco giant? It is number 4 in the top US fast food chains by sales. Well the good news for you is that we have been doing that research and conduction our own conclusions to find the correct answers that a Mexican food loving society deserves.
This dude eats $100 worth of Taco Bell in One sitting. If you want to see him eat it, fast forward to around the 7 minute mark. If you want to hear him annoyingly ramble on about nothing before that, watch from the beginning.
We wanted to make sure that all cars had a fair opportunity to become the best car to take to Taco Bell so we wanted to make sure to judge all on the same scale, using the same weighted characteristics. We do this because this article, once studied by people who love Chalupa Supremes, will most likely go out and buy these cars. Surely there will be a waiting list from here on out. So here’s to hopefully being once of the first to get your dream car. AKA, the car that improves your trip to Taco Bell. That is what we all want and that is what we all deserve. So the first question to pose is… What makes a good optimal car to take to Taco Bell?
We have came up with multiple positive characteristics of cars that not only improves your trip but also enhances your before and after experience.
1. Cargo Space
This is simple. How many tacos and burritos can this car carry? What am I going to go to taco bell and only order a few bean burritos and one nacho bellgrande? No chance. What if there is more than one of us, or even a family? What if I am at a gathering and everyone has a hankering for a Crunchwrap Supreme Combo? Make 15 trips to get everyone fed? That is not an option. So the optimal vehicle with have good cargo space or a roomy trunk. Sorry Mini Cooper’s and Mazda Miata’s, you will not be in our top. You must also have room for the mandatory bottle of Tums and Pepto Bismol. Without room for that, you might as well just go somewhere else.
This might be in the same category as cargo space but you need a vehicle that can hold a few people. Not many people want to dine alone. Yes, Taco Bell lends itself to a quick meal that you can eat quickly, feel remorse and then never tell anyone about. But mystery loves company and if you are partaking in a Triple Layer Nacho with Cheesy Bean and Rice Burrito Side, then there is a good chance your friends are just as degenerate as yourself. Plus, the majority of Taco Bell consumers are most likely younger in age. The reason? As you get above around the age of 40… your body changes and your life changes. A late night Taco Bell run is no longer worth 4 days of extreme diarrhea. Not when you have to take care of young kids and mow the lawn. So while you are young and your friends are just as hungry and wallet light as yourself, have a vehicle that can carry you all.
Some of the most prestigious chefs in world say that you not only experience food with your taste buds but smell is also a large part of it. And you can’t tell me everyone in the apartment complex doesn’t know someone was in the elevator within the last 3 hours with Taco Bell. Their smell is distinctive and pungent. Some say offensive but others say mouth watering. Probably depends on your mood, your BAC and if you are within 9 months of having a child. So when it comes to the optimal vehicle getting taco bell, you have to have good ventilation.
For one, that smell can stick and sink into your seat fabric. It might be tasty, but you don’t want to smell it for weeks. And if you are an avid Bean Burrito bulldozer, then you might be getting it at least once a week. Now you really have to think about resale value. Hard to sell a car if you open it and smell nothing but crunchy tacos and shame.
Number two, without beating around the cactus… most people who eat Taco Bell fart like a trucker. Sure there is a phenomena that everyone likes their own brand, but Taco Bell is different. You need those air biscuits out of your atmosphere. And what if more than one of you are eating in the same car. You don’t want competing eaters burning flappers with no way of escape. You vehicle needs to have electric windows, a good AC system (not the setting that recirculates the air), and maybe a convertible option.
4. Easy Exits
Nature calls sometimes. But when you have just cranked down 4 Quesaritos and a Cheesy Potato Griller, it can call more quickly and without warning. Your optimal vehicle needs to have easy exits, non stick doors, no automatic locking if possible and smooth action door hinges. And you need some good action on those doors too because you don’t want to hastily fling it open only to have it hit and rocket back towards your shins. Now you can be hunched over holding your legs and spilling mud in your drivers seat. Not good all around. And considering there is no way this relase is going to be solid at all, now you are looking at a large cleaning bill.
Bill Gates is not going to Taco Bell 4 times a week… that is something we can almost guarantee. And honestly, most likely anyone who makes a good living or has worked their way up in a company, probably doesn’t consume Nacho Bellgande Combos on a regular basis. Yes, some of that is because of their age, as we mentioned before, because the older you get, the more your body rebels against Bean Burritos. But also because The more money you have, the better things you purchase. Millionaires don’t usually wear thrift store t-shirts with itchy wool pants. They want to be stylish and comfortable. So in this scenario, Taco Bell is the thrift store t-shirt and itchy wool pants. And as you get more money, your tastes changes and you want to feel more comfortable before, during and after eating food. So the vehicle needs to be affordable to the mass of people who consume Taco Bell on a regular basis.
Want more on the history of Taco Bell? Here is the untold truth!
The Best Cars To Take To Taco Bell
So taking all of those factors into consideration, we have come up with a top 5 lists of the best cars to take to Taco Bell. Obviously any car will work, but when you combine the average customers personal appearance and where they are in life, we feel these really are the best options.
5. The Ford Ranger
Not perfect because can only hold 3 people max in the cab. But talk about some trunk space. And if you are lucky enough to get your hands on one of these bad boys, the back window is most likely already covered with random stickers of surf shops, Calvin peeing on things and other homemade brands. So that will save you time and money on decor. The body and front quarter panels will already be scratched, dinged and probably mismatched so you will not need to worry about those skinny drive through lanes and maybe scraping one of those concrete poles. If that happens, no problem at all. Screech on past and order that triple layer nacho with cinnamon twist kick.
4. Subaru Outback
In this all-wheel drive badboy, snow or ice will not deter you from getting a 30 pack of soft tacos. She can go anywhere and adapt to any situation.. not unlike the lady that is with you in the Taco Bell drive through at 2am on a Saturday night. Your natural B.O will be masked by the bags of food so no worry there and the stained t-shirt you have been wearing for 4 days will blend in with the southwest seat decor the outback is famous for. Most likely the AC will not be functional so it is a good thing the windows have top ratings. But most of all… it is a station wagon on crack. All the room with none of the bad reputation… again, just like that lovely lady next to you on the journey called life.
3. Honda Civic
Just throwing the ole fishing pole in the pond here but we are assuming this is close to the same choice as the majority of what the current customers are driving… And for good reason. They have been around forever. You could have gotten a brand new 1998 Civic for around 16k or that same car now for around 4k. They run forever and are always dependable. Somewhere along the line, it is almost guaranteed that an owner put a spoiler on it so you have a built in taco plate while hanging out with friends in parking lots and abandoned fields. Awesome! Big trunks, dependable windows and drifting ability all go into why we rank car near the top. Gas mileage is also a plus. What if one TB location is out of Baha Blast? No worries, cruise to the next one and load up.
2. Nissan Xterra
I mean… there is a built in emergency first aid kit in the back. If that doesn’t scream Taco Bell consumer, I don’t know what does. It is 4 wheel drive so weather conditions will not matter and frankly, it looks badass. You and the bros will have no problem coming off the mountain after a day of hitting the slopes to consume some much needed grub. Just get done noodling for Catfish at the river bank and want to fill your shirtless stomach? The Xterra is there and never stuck in the mud. And if you can happen to find one in running condition, it is most likely yellow or orange in color so that will actually match your Taco Bell experience and outgoing personality. There is a lot of room with a large back end so order as much as the after party needs because the Xterra is a one trip Grodita machine.
1. Jeep Wrangler
This is the perfect car to go get Taco Bell. First off, you can go convertible at any time. Steak Quesadilla beef blasts will never be trapped in and glue itself to the upholstery. You can fit 4 friends comfortably in the car and the trunk is surprisingly roomy. You can fit at least 4 cravings packs in there. Wranglers have been available since the 80s so there are purchasing options for all pocketbooks. Finally… NO DOORS! You can take off the Wrangler’s doors and have the quickest exit possible when the unavoidable trots comes calling. The Jeep wrangler scored the highest on most of our criteria and for those reason, we crown it as the best car to go get Taco Bell.
Pro tip when it comes to color… Brown or tan. Inside and out.
So load up on toilet paper, head to one of the over 7000 Taco Bell locations, and order away. We understand you are most likely under the influence so make sure to be safe, have a sober driver and charge your phone for the impending toilet hours.
Why do Americans love Taco Bell? So many reasons. There are in all markets, have breakfasts options, serve booze at some locations and so much more. Here is a fun video that can give you some insight.
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